911

I really love my kids.

Today I woke up lazily, after sleeping in unreasonably. Then the kids and I hopped on our cruisers and headed to breakfast at Michael D's. After that we rode along the centennial trail so the kids could do some monkeying around....

Later this afternoon I took the kids up to meet Mike at Farragut State Park, where he and Justin competed in the NIC Outdoor Adventure Race. The plan was then for me to ride home, in a roundabout way, and meet them for the Tri Club cruiser ride.

I headed west on the highway out of Farragut, crossed Highway 95, and then headed through Athol. Hung a left on old Hwy 95, then took a right to head west on Bruner. Funny thing is, I had just been thinking about how much I enjoy riding my bike, how blessed we are to live in an area like this, how awesome it is that the kids enjoy the activities we do, how lucky I am. Scary thing is, I had a premonition...

Riding west on the highway out of Farragut is beautiful. It's a 4-lane road with not too much traffic. But I suddenly got scared when I came across the speed limit sign that read 60 mph, and there wasn't much of a shoulder to speak of. I had a vision of myself getting hit from behind from someone talking on their cell phone, reaching for a soda, turning the radio station. I envisioned myself lying on the side of the road, calling Mike on my cell phone. It gave me chills. Then it made me turn around every 30 seconds or so to see if there was any traffic behind me. If there was, then I watched them intently to be sure that they got into the left-most lane. And I kicked up the speed for the 4 miles to "safer" ground.

So like I said, I crossed Hwy 95 and got myself to Bruner road - familiar territory. I settled into a nice easy pace for the ride home.

Now friends, I know that we've all had training at some point in our lives regarding emergencies. Who to call, what information to tell the dispatcher, what details to remember. I've always wondered if I would be able to keep it all together in a state of emergency. Today I think I passed the test.

You see, a couple of jackasses in a pickup truck decided that it would be HILARIOUS to - yes, you may need to sit to believe this - SLAP ME ON MY ASS AS THEY DROVE BY ME AT 35-40 mph. Hilarious. Hear me laughing?

Luckily, after the initial shock wore off (did that just happen?!), I got the plate number. And, because I actually tend to remember to bring more crap than is ever necessary, I pulled my cellphone out of my back pocket and called 911. God was looking down on me in so many ways this afternoon: I wasn't injured. The 911 dispatcher rides bikes and couldn't believe this had just happened, and patched the call to an officer. The officer rides bikes, is married with kids, and is competing in Ironman. In short, they took my call very seriously.

After spending 30 minutes on the phone with the sheriff deputy giving the plate number, description, and my account, I headed back home. He assured me that he would do everything possible to find the guys. He asked what I would like him to do if he ended up finding them. I asked him what my options were - I definitely wanted to press charges. Then I told him I wanted him to issue them a citation. This means that they would have to make an appearance in court and explain their actions to the judge. The judge most likely would waive jail time and instead give them community service, along with around a $300 fine. It would go on their permanent record as a misdeameanor battery charge.

Now, I know that most likely these guys were just getting their jollies. How funny would that be, I'm sure they were thinking, to see the look on her face if we slapped her butt??? Then I'm sure they were thinking of telling all their friends around a couple of brews. And while I wasn't hurt physically, what scared me was the what-ifs...

What if I wasn't a good bike-handler and it startled me so badly that I lost control of my bike? What if the driver just misjudged his distance an inch or so the wrong way? What if the slapper misjudged his force and knocked me off? I could have been seriously injured, or worse, my kids - my precious children who count on me being there for them - could be without a mom.

I'll bet those guys had no idea an officer would be at their door tonight. I'll bet they had NO idea they messed with the wrong girl. The wrong girl for sure.

See you @#$*ers in court.